Say Only That I Won

The text message I received was simply “Dave lost his battle with cancer today.”

My reply was simple too, “I’m so sorry to hear this.”

The man was a friend of my brother’s living in a different country. Someone I had never met. Yet still a death with rolling waves of grief. A mere prayer of comfort for my brother and Dave’s family was all that was expected. 

But the second word of the text screamed at me. 

Dave lost
He lost
Lost
LOST
LOST!

As if death takes everything and throws it all away. Life is all for naught. I could almost hear diabolic laughter, like from the Joker movie character, “Game over! You lose!” Grotesque sounding. 

Covering my ears didn’t make the unholy vibrations stop. 

I picked up a pencil hoping the scratching noise of graphite on paper would drown out my swelling fury. In the top margin I wrote:

"Death: A significant change of address"
~ Anne Lamont

"Absent from body → Present with the LORD" 
~ Saint Paul

To those who witness my death or spread its news, 

Do not say I lost, say only that I won.

Say that I ran the race, did both cartwheels and crash landings. Stumbled, veered off course, and repeatedly fell in the ditch. But say I finished running into the arms of the Omega. 

Say that my sins are many, for that would not be a lie, but not without also saying I now kneel at the throne of full, remarkable redemption. 

Say that although I pleaded for the wisest counsel day and night, and never felt confident I was doing the right thing with my numbered days, I’m now meeting the One who is the Way, Truth, and Life. 

Say I prayed for peace in every relationship, community, and country, and now I do so with every tribe and language and people and nation closer than ever to the Prince. 

Say I cried out for mercy, held fast to grace, and sought the face of God every day and that now I behold Him brilliantly face to face. 

Say all these things,
     or nothing at all. 

But if you speak a word
     do not say I lost. 

Say only that I won,
     present with Jesus.

Where the melody is always, only sweet
     now and forevermore.

Amen. Lord, come quickly.